It is a fact that loonies are drawn to me like moths to a flame, and like a flame, I can burn them to a crisp. I usually don't because even loonies deserve, uh... ok, I usually do flame them, but not always. Yesterday, in fact...
I was sitting on the bench at the MetroRail station, twiddling with my earphones and minding my own business as I waited for the south-bound to take me home. There were women on either side of me. I was wearing a very conservative denim dress, almost ankle-length, long-sleeved and with a deep, but modest v-neck. And a pair of killer, spike-heeled, pointy-toed mules.
Along came a spider loonie, dressed in camo and a tee, with spiked hair with bleached tips. He could have been anywhere from 18 to 25, a little hard-ridden, possibly homeless. He had that look in his eyes, of not being quite all together (but then, who among us is?) I kept my head down and twiddled with my earphones.
He came right up in front of me, dropped into a squat, and very, very gently, like the merest hint of a thought of a touch, carressed my instep. To get my attention or because he's got some weird foot thing, who knows. I looked up and he very clearly said "You are so beautiful." Uh-huh, right and old enough to be your mother, I think, and no, I'm not giving you money. I just look at him and pretend I can't understand or hear. He repeats it and then asked me if I was married. "Yes, very" I replied, and looked back at my lap. Then he got up, looked back at me, told me one more time that he thought I was so beautiful. I touched my fingertips to my heart and said thanks, and then disappeared back into myself and he wandered off into the crowd.
The women on my left just stared at me with saucer-like eyes, and tried to engage me in conversation about what had happened, but by then, I had cranked up the i-pod as loud as I could handle it, and the train was coming and I escaped another conversation.
Once on the train, I spotted RJ in the same car, so I went up to tell her the story, but she was embedded in her own version of the loonie conversation. The woman with her was a Seinfeld worthy low talker, and carried on a monologue at us for the entire trip, allowing nothing more than an uh-huh or a nod from us. I have no idea what she was on about, because I couldn't hear a word. RJ kept rolling her eyes at me and wagging her eyebrows, so it must have been deadly.
...
Monday, as I mentioned, I went to hear Christopher Moore. The audience was slow to warm to him, and then a cell phone rang, and he made a joke about the only thing cell phones are useful for is to train dogs to salivate. The only people in the crowd to laugh were me, the RLA, and the couple in front of us. The female (with a beautiful set of tattooed angel wings on her back -- or at least the tops and tips that I could see were beautiful) joked that the only dog owners in the room were the four of us who laughed. Then Christopher said that, well, he was sorry and that he hadn't meant to speak in a foreign language. To which I sang out, "Yeah. Well, you are speaking English." and that broke up the entire room. Take me with you Chris, and I'll do warm up.
...
Finally, will someone explain to me why a white trash, ex-Playboy skank deserves all this ink over the fold, and the report that the pre-war intelligence was cooked, immoral, but probably not illegal gets buried? I'm trying to figure out some way to blame her death (and the increasingly suspicious deaths of everyone connected to her) on the Bush family, a la Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys. Maybe it was Jeb, he's not doing anything much these days, and she was in Florida.
Posted by Miz Shoes at February 9, 2007 11:00 AM
I just sent the following message to CNN:
There is now incontrovertible truth today (Friday, 2/9) that Bush and the White House abused intelligence-gathering to lie this country into a disastrous and costly war. There is further proof in The Washington Post today (see Froomkin blog) that the president's spokesperson is now lying to the media (and, through the media, to the people) on a daily basis. The GOP in the House has descended into the abyss of lies and pettiness, re Speaker Pelosi, that characterized the worst of the Gingrich years. And CNN is going wall-to-wall on a story, Anna Nicole Smith, that is not only not news, but is insulting and offensive the intelligence of most Americans. How can your scores of reporters and anchors do this hour after hour and not just blow their brains out on air? This is so far beyond irresponsible and bad journalism it defies description. I am totally disgusted.
Posted by: The Skipper at February 9, 2007 01:05 PM
It's simple: In this ridiculous culture of ours, which completely revolves around the fantasies of 14-year-old boys, any large-breasted, quasi-celebrity woman who dies suddenly and suspiciously at a tacky chain resort in Florida is FAR more important than the fact that our illegally elected president lied the country into a pre-emptive war and now is tring to do the same all over again with Iran. Sheesh, get with the program.
Posted by: The Skipper's Wife at February 9, 2007 01:08 PM
Every straight guy I've seen today has wanted to talk about the ex-Playboy skank. Maybe if the illegally not-really-elected president had breast implants...
Posted by: Kathy A. at February 9, 2007 06:11 PM
I like the way you're thinking re: the Bush clan and the sad little goldigger. Perhaps Jeb could be persuaded to join the hordes now taking DNA tests to establish paternity. And absolutely no one's heard from Neil lately.
Somedays, I swear the government's putting something in the water supply to make us not only think like retarded celebutantes, but to want to be them. Iraq? That is SO not hot.
Posted by: gigi at February 12, 2007 07:06 PM