May contain trace elements of dog fur and magic.

The Screen Door Slams

Miz Shoes ankle receives a two-inch gash. Damn, she thinks, this isn’t good. Perhaps she should take a quick drive over to the Urgent Care Center. But first, a little reality check. Honey? Do you think this will require stitches?

The RLA threw me in the car and asked if I had any preferences as to which UCC we visited. No, not particularly. Less than an hour later, I was laying on my side, having a pleasant conversation with the PA who was practicing her needlework on my ankle. She loved that it wasn’t a straight line and she got to do something or other fancy involving the triangular rip in the middle. She had a light touch with the Novocain or whatever it is that is used on body parts other than one’s mouth. So light, in fact, that by the time we got to the last stitch that what had been a slight prick and tug was a distinct piercing and pulling, prompting the following exchange.

“Motherfucker”, I said, in a totally conversation tone of voice, lacking all affect, “That hurts. I do believe the Novocaine has completely worn off.” Apparently, that was an unexpected remark, at least in that tone of voice, because both the PA and her aide laughed. They did apologize, but your narrator didn’t mind if they found humor in her suffering. After all, I said, you’ve given me enough content for a week of blog entries. 

This isn't good.Five stitches

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 07/14 at 09:14 AM in Life? Don't Talk to Me About Life.


(6) Comments
#1. Posted by Cousin Steve on July 14, 2010

I concede.  Yours looks more painful than mine did.  Although, in my defense, mine did have a full bottle of Seagrams 7 poured,(er)splashed, (er)broken on it.

#2. Posted by Miz Shoes on July 14, 2010

Aw, man. What a waste of perfectly good whisky. At least there was no chance of infection for you.

#3. Posted by Surrogate 3 on July 18, 2010

Well. I’m glad your ankle is doing better! How did you like the eggs?

#4. Posted by Brette Weinkle on July 20, 2010

That screen door has it out for your ankle. I remember the last time it attacked you. I believe I heard the story on the way to Lucia Di Lammermoor, and I think you were explaining your choice of mules to the opera.

#5. Posted by Fiber Ninja on August 02, 2010

Sweet Mother of God, that’s a sloppy job.  Shoulda called me to come down to stitch it up.  At the very least, I’m generous with the Bupivacaine:  they act like it’s a precious commodity.

#6. Posted by spammer on January 24, 2011

Fiber ninja’s comment cracked me up! It does look like a sloppy stitch job. Did it heal up nicely? I made the mistake of allowing the doctor to “glue” my cut rather than use stitches and it didn’t heal very well.

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