Grudgingly, MizShoes returns to the Project Runway fold. It’s not that the show has redeemed itself after the Affair of the Moldy Granny Panties, it hasn’t. In fact, if anything, giving the win to Anya was worse. And MizShoes absolutely refused to watch a single minute of the All Stars. The truth of the matter is that in the end, she couldn’t quit Heidi, NinaGarcia and Michael Kors after all. So, to recap: a couple of red shirts went home. Some dude who was all bluster and no style and who looked like Bob’s Big Boy went home. Andrea, who has a line of patterns with Vogue and is/was a college teacher of design was in a team challenge with some dude who looks and acts like Michael Costello writ small and who shall be known henceforth as Mini MiCo. They had to design a
pretty dress red carpet look for a past PR Winner, who, in the event, turned out to be the aforementioned Anya. Judging from the subsequent behavior, Andrea found being asked to design for someone who couldn’t even insert a sleeve demeaning. This led to Mini MiCo throwing her under the trite bus on the runway. Andrea found trying to defend herself on the runway from a sniveling boy even more demeaning and left the show in the middle of the night. We are now caught up.
This season Mizshoes will attempt a drinking game. Depending on how this goes, she may need to go back to the Reality Show Bingo Cards.
Boys doing hair. Kumar doesn’t like Miss Gunnar RagingDragQueen. Meet Tim on Madison Ave. This is the Michael Kors challenge. Lots of brown nosing. Tim says that We Need To Talk: Andrea left in the middle of the night. Cue trash talk confessionals from designers. Trash Talk Confessional may be the name of my next imaginary band. Mini MiCo thinks that this is a slap in his face. Buffi is not amused. She was a bad example, being a teacher and all. She was a lame ass. MichaelKors says fashion’s not for sissies, as he bounces on the balls of his feet. MK defines his “woman”. That’s a first, usually he refers to his clients as his “girl.” Blah blah blah. AESTHETIC! Take a shot! (Yes, that is the drinking game: a shot every time someone trots out the A word. Good luck trying to keep up at home.)Day to night look. AESTHETIC! Take a shot! 30 minutes to be inspired, then 1.5 days and $150 bucks. Miss Gunnar RagingDragQueen dismisses and dispenses a slap down. Sanjay has romantic ideas about what it’s like to work in an ad agency. Are you hosing me? Boris is working in grey. High Fashion equals black and white. Another black dress. Miss Gunnar RagingDragQueen has sketched a mosaic of pot holders in drab 70’s colors.
Mood. Mini MiCo sees Louboutin shoes in a dive bar. Boris says that In soviet union, fabrics find you. Harajuku Gurl is distant and drained, he is a little glazed. Sanjay shops till the last minute, providing what has to pass for deathless drama. Trash talk about Andrea, again. Mini MiCo regrets his part in her break with reality. Little Harajuku Gurl wants to walk away from the competition, too. It makes him too sad. Love you, gotta go. Someone is crying and saying that he wants to leave, too, but he isn’t going to. Tim gathers the troops. Andrea is fine, and she is terminating her contract. But Little Harajuku Gurl interrupts Tim and says, yeah, whatever, he has to leave too, because this is the stupidest game show in the history of the galaxy.
Tim takes Little Harajuku Gurl out and the remaining designers are all pissy that some people are gone who wanted to be here. Sulky designers. Tim comes in to give everyone a pep talk. Things happen for a reason. So we’re bringing back Raoul. Puke. Bob’s Big Boy is back and VenDiagram pouts. Crunchy Granola says too bad he got aufed, but his skills weren’t all that good. Blah blah blah, here to win, I’m back bitchez, lucky ho. (MizShoes predicts that montage means he’s either the ultimate winner or he’s out again tonight.)
Tim comes back for his walkabout. Boris is working on a dark, sculptural thing with one seam. Sanjay is also working in black. Maybe it’s brown. Flavio Fav is doing something in print, and he says that his working girl is on her day off. Cheater. Natasha critiques. Tim cautions proportions. Foreshadowing? Ven Diagram is working in cashmere with a curved zipper? TIm tells Miss Gunnar RagingDragQueen to be aware of his materials. Natasha has proportion issues (same old same old). Buffi needs to edit. Pink and cheetah. Mini MiCo is doing a little Chanel jacket. Sanjay calls him derivative, which, duh. He weeps about being on the bottom. Mom on the go. Tim says sad. Grunchy Granola is working in plaid seersucker and making clam diggers. Bob’s Big Boy is doing a lot of pieces. Tim tells him to focus. Oh, he’s the ADHD one this season. Tim is excited and gives them another pep talk. Buffi has a headache. The models come in. Crunchy Granola disses Flavio Fave. April Junior is doing leggins, a tank, another top, a jacket, a dress, a purse, a skirt and a few other pieces. Buffi’s sewing skills are failing her, and all she wants is to finish. April Junior is stressed.
Buffi is freakin out. AESTHETIC! Take a shot! Fabio Flav wears a turban. Bob’s Big Boy.Miss Gunnar RagingDragQueen puts on his bitch panties. Wahwahwah. Ven Diagram calls out Bob’s Big Boy for being all talk no action. Mini MiCo offers black chiffon to Buffi because he thinks her pink is gaudy, which, yes, it is. They can hear Buffi rant indignant over having her taste questioned by the likes of him from the next room over. What passes for drama ensues. Tim sends in the models for product placement. Bob’s Big Boy can’t sew pants. Everyone is shocked by that development.
Buffi is sewing with unfamiliar materials and fucking up. There’s one in every season. Bob’s Big Boy is filling the holes in his pants with leather. Stress. Bob’s Big Boy is grabbing shit randomly off the accessory rack. Heidi is in leopard print. In Out In joke. Heidi gets to tell everyone that the designers who walked off the show totally sucked for leaving, and were weak and soft and unworthy of their two minutes of fame whore fun. But enough about the weak, sucky losers. Let’s put on a show!
Sanjay. Nice knit. Crunchy Granola hideous clam diggers in a mens wear style and a man’s white shirt with sequined elbow patches. Woof. Layer, layer, layer. Buffi’s coral tunic over a zebra print sheath dress. AESTHETIC! Take a shot! Bolero over very short print sheath dress. Miss Gunnar RagingDragQueen’s layers of browns and beiges and looks like bad seventies with a cutout back. Plain ochre brown dress with a cape vest in mustard. Boris has that same cutout back that all the cool kids are doing and interesting folding.
Ven Diagram does something horrible to a zipper and a lot of peach colored fabric. Bob’s Big Boy has sent out hideous crap badly styled. Natasha is wearing a storm trooper hat and sends out a total look of Haute Cold War Soviet Secretary Couture. Gunnar. Ven. Nathan (which one is he???). Crunchy Granola. April Junior. Natasha. Safe.
Sanjay: Busy woman. Heidi loves (that’s the knit with interesting material twists.) Grey. Conservative but Sexy. Haydn Pantywaist (Thanks to The Fug Girls for coining that). Whoosywhatsit Ray? Roy? Somebody who’s a designer. Blah.
Flavio Flav. Michael Kors thinks he dresses better than he dresses his model. He needs to put that into his work. NinaGarcia says, comfortable but not glamorous. Mini MiCo gets LUV from Heidi and Hayden. They love his cropped blazer. They love his styling. NinaGarcia says glamorous. MK says glamorous. Buffi tries to sell her her thing. Hayden wanted to see something in the shoulder to narrow it. (MizShoes ponders how adding crap to the shoulder is going to narrow anything, and considers that may be why Miss Pantywaist is so often in the Fug column of Fug or Fab.) Heidi calls it cheap and hates the color choice. MK says, A belt? That’s what you think is going to sell it? MK says it looks like a hairdresser’s smock. NinaGarcia hates Buffi, her skills and her taste level and rips her a new a-hole. B’obs Big Boy shows his creation. Everyone hates it. For all the right reasons. Boris sells it and MK says it was the best made dress in the show. Too bad it was black. Heidi loves it, but it isn’t sexy enough. Hadyn Pantywaist goes on about shoulders again. NinaGarcia calls it perfect. Taste level? High. Exquisite.
Who do we love? Sanjay, Boris, Mini MiCo. AESTHETIC! Take a shot! Effortless. Classic. Versatile. Everyone wants Sanjay to win but Heidi. NinaGarcia calls for Mini MiCo to win. Boris: NinaGarcia and MK and Whateverhernameis rant about his technical skills. He’s the one to watch. More powerful women would wear it. Purrrrrrfectly made.
Flavio Flav sends out boring dresses. They are over him. Buffi can’t dress herself, much less her model and neither can she sew. She uses her terrible color sense to cover up her inability to sew which makes her shit memorable, for all the wrong reasons. Bob’s Big Boy was too ambitious. He’s had editing problems since the beginning. He was already gone once, nudge nudge wink wink says MK.
Winners. Out. Mini MiCo, you were glamorous, you are in. Sanjay, you are the winner. Hayden Pantywaist wants to wear her dress to a red carpet event. She gets immunity. AESTHETIC! Take a shot! I just wanted to be in, and now I’m the winner. Boris can stay. Bob’s Big Boy gets to stay, but only because MK wants to be able to say I told you so when he gets sent home for the second time.
Buffi: nobody wants to wear what you put out. Flavio Flav, your stuff sucked really bad, too, but that turban you have on and the ropes around your neck give us hope tht there may be something marketable about your flavor of crazy, so you can stay. Aufsie Daisie, Buffi. Bummer. We liked Buffi. Tim tells her that she was true to herself, and yay to that, so go clean up your work space. Buffi promises to throw glitter in the air forever. Next week? Heidi HATES it.