Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s just get this over with. Miz Shoes was disinclined to expend the energy on notes, so this may not be the most accurate recap you ever read. The final adequate three have been chosen and given a meager pittance to create a collection to show in Bryant Park. Tim is subjected to humiliation, delivering forced repartee with Heidi and then having to dance The Bump with her behind the scrim. It’s embarrassing.
Further injury and insult takes the form of a flowery apron, tied neatly over his black suit by Carol Hannah and her mother, as Tim makes biscuits with the women. That is neither a metaphor nor a symbol of something deeper. Sometimes a biscuit is only a biscuit. Carol Hannah has been inspired by a visit to the Duke Campus at night. Apparently, they have some drab grey topiary at Duke.
Next Tim meets the ur-creaky old elevator you’ve ever seen in a horror/action flick and visits Althea in her gritty brick loft, a relic from the days when Dayton was a boom town. Miz Shoes cannot speculate on the decade that may have been. Althea has been inspired by something or another and is making the same black sequin waiter’s jacket she made all season. There are more pants. There are more oversized knits and drab colors.
Finally Tim is allowed back onto the island of Manhattan where he is taken to Irina’s favorite restaurant and he (presumably), but not the viewers, is introduced to everyone at the table. Irina’s sisters all look exactly like her, and she is the clone of her mother. Everyone gets subtitles, and it’s kind of awesome and kind of insulting. Her mother looks like she’s wearing the sweater Irina made for the Aspen challenge. It’s the same color, and has the same cowl neck.
Irina is inspired by New York City, specifically, Coney Island. She has made drab grey tee shirts with the iconic image of the Coney Island ferris wheel. Everything else is black, including the oversized knits. Later, we see Tim telephone her to say that the producers and the lawyers have determined that that iconic image is copyrighted by someone else, and she doesn’t have permission to use it. Irony? Anyone? Anyone?
Finally, it is fashion week and the girls meet again at the hotel. Irina and Althea sit in awkward silence for hours waiting for Carol Hannah, who never shows because she has a stomach virus. But she recovers enough to show up for model casting. Then she throws up. Then Michael Kors and NinaGarcia come
to fulfill their contractual obligations to give some last minute advice. Irina ignores what NinaGarcia tells her, because what would NinaGarcia know about fashion editorials?
Carol Hannah is still sick when Heidi and Tim come to give them the annual Surprise Thirteen Look At The Last Minute For Drama (trademark). To help them, the last three designers thrown off the show get to come and eat ashes and crow. Althea snaps up Logan who is still bow-legged, but no longer wearing the magic shiny pants. Irina tells Gordana to come to Mama, and Gordana pretends joy as she steps to her side. Carol Hannah is so happy not to be puking on national television, that she welcomes Christopher.
Irina pretends to think that Althea somehow channeled her from afar and stole her ideas. They both have knits. Gordana asks for a crochet hook while at Mood. Over on Ravelry, there is debate about the knits. Althea said that she herself had been knitting, whereas Irina merely called hers handknit. So did Irina knit, or did she hire someone to knit for her?
Next week, Irina styles her models like Jillian from Season 4, and we find out who won and like baseball fans everywhere, sigh, well, there’s always next season. It has to be better than this one.